However, egoic dishonesty is not predicated on the ego committing a lie, but on the ego omitting itself. As long as thoughts are concealed the ego-self gains the delusion of safety.
Unfortunately, this makes you estranged from those you "love" and, ultimately, the world. Even though baselines interaction levels are high, disclosure remains surface and superficial.
The ego, or the identity that you insist is “you,” is ultimately defined by egocentric self-preservation. This egoic survival instinct is not simply concerned with bodily survival, since encounters with physical threats are rare. More often, the egos chief focus is psychological survival, which demands ever greater experiences of self-actualization, as opposed to self-diminishment.
The ego requires actualization of itself against its experience of a world and this actualizing is always in competition with other egos (in fact, ego actualization is little more than simply ‘rising above’ other actualizing egos through comparisons). The greater actualized an ego is, based on the worlds standards of "success," the greater the egocentric experience of “existing.” These are the finite games we play every day.
The more actualized the ego-self, the more you feel "alive" (learned behavior based on the world’s standards). “Loving” relationships help egos feel alive and aid in egocentric actualizing. Although the ego has no idea what “love” is (always defined in relative terms) it does have an obscure recognition that “love” is a powerful means of self-actualizing itself. Yet, it must use caution, since it fears this could ultimately destroy it....and it will.
Because the ego does not know what love is (merely senses the presence of something more powerful than itself), egoic love is always based on egocentric standards and conditions, causing conditional egic love to essentially fail to actualize the ego-self. Therefore, egoic “love” is no different then any other means of self-actualization, in that it is predicated on egocentric self-preservation and defines “love” in egocentric terms and conditions.
Initially, when you first met your “beloved” full disclosure was high on the ‘to-do list' and because of the immediate sense of self-actualization experienced by both, you both engaged in a high degree of honesty and self-exposure. You revealed all the thoughts in your head (well, almost all). Your past, your dreams and aspirations, and even your weaknesses, were fully exhibited to the loved one. This degree of honesty creates trust and trust leads to further honesty and disclosure.
Nevertheless, full honesty and disclosure is threatening to an ego preoccupied with self-actualization. All it took was one episode of perceived attack from the ‘beloved’ for the ego to begin limiting self-disclosure, thereby, impeding honesty. As a result, thoughts are made private and, gradually, communication becomes superficial and surface oriented.
Because the ego is a survival machine, your beloved easily detected your withholding, no matter how veiled and camouflaged. This precipitated his/her withdrawal in response and gradually over time, (because moments of honesty can result in severe conflict) the ego increasingly begins to perceive honesty as threatening to self-preservation.
Because of this alienation (from lack of honesty) omission becomes the norm and alienation dissolves intimacy and results in increasing estrangement. From this you are merely a hop, skip and jump away from dissolving all egoic remnants of “love” and the beloved gradually manifests as antagonistic, no longer deserving of honesty or trust. Now, you merely seek to avoid conflict and this requires thoughts remain increasingly more private.
This is how your most intimate relationships, which once provided the promise of awakening to a love without condition, became a conditional hell on earth. The ego shuts itself off from intimacy for the sake of self-preservation and fear is preserved and estrangement is always the result of fear. The ego demands that thoughts be protected and concealed and understanding dissolves into strangeness.
There is only one way to bridge the chasm of alienation and that is through honesty. But it is not the shallow or superficial honesty that renews and reconciles relationships, but the honesty that is absent all fear and allows complete vulnerability in its depth. But first, You must discover why you are protecting and from who...
Withhold the contents of your mind and you obstruct the Deep Understanding that two or more can realize and 'awaken' to. Seek to conceal your mind and you alienate yourself from those you’ve chosen to love and both you and they will suffer.
Against the ego’s protests you must free yourself from this self-imposed alienation and awaken to one unifying field of un-conditioned love. Deep Spirit communication requires that two minds be prepared to give and accept total honesty. Close off the mind by picking and choosing what can and cannot be communicated and estrangement becomes the norm and you will continue to wonder why all your relationships always seem to fail.
Without total honesty, you have yet to experience your only purpose....
Image by John Walsom - "Old Blackfriars Bridge"
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